One of the biggest lessons I've had to learn this year is how to deal with difficult people, uncomfortable situations, and how to be a self-advocate. My dad calls this "letting the tiger out."
You see, my mom wasn't one to shy away from confrontation and she had an opinion on almost everything... and you heard it, asked for or unwanted. My dad is much more gentle and subdued. This is not to say he doesn't have opinion or that he is a door mat. He's just more docile. The apple didn't fall far from the tree- if it fell at all. I usually err on the side of being reserved and sometimes even passive.
Through various interactions and situations this year, I've been forced to grow pretty drastically in this very specific way. Whether its because of a miscommunication or elements completely out of my control it has shown up time and time again. Its been an issue I've been struggling with, knowing I need to be more firm and direct, and this year has been a down and dirty express lane.
After my mom died my dad let the tiger rage. He took amazing care of her for 5 years. He was a faithful and dutiful husband. A true care giver. But that also meant that he had to give up or compromise on a lot of his needs and wants. When he had the freedom to decide things for himself, her grabbed the reigns and was off to the races. His inner tiger was out of the cage and roared loudly. There was no mistaking how he felt. In the process of regaining his autonomy he alienated a few people and we got into a few good spats. Luckily that has all calmed down, we've had multiple heart to hearts, and the tiger is back to manageable ferociousness.
Get used to me letting my tiger growl more and a bit more loudly. Its all about balance though. The key is to keep the tiger from becoming to aggressive but I don't want it to return to being caged up either. I nice leash is appropriate. This new found voice has given me more confidence and I feel much more empowered. Putting peace ahead of my own personhood is not helpful in all situations. Being part of a team or a group doesn't always mean that the team's needs mean I have to sacrifice my wants. Honesty can greatly improve group dynamics. Also, not speaking your truth repeatedly in the name of peace isn't actually peaceful. Its allowing another person to act in certain form of violence toward you. That's not peace. That's keeping your tiger caged.
I'm going to let my tiger roar. Let yours roar too. Maybe we can all start doing this hard but beautiful work called being true to ourselves and with each other.
